Carp Verdict In: Not a Fish

Over the last several months, a cloud has formed over the BU Roller hockey team. An issue threatened to work its way into the roots of the team and tear it apart from the inside. The root of this conflict is a simple question: Is Carp a fish? Those who said yes point to both his name (very fishlike indeed) and the fact that he was spawned in a Long Island pond. In the end however, the naysayers were proven correct in a Massachusetts district court. Citing his calves as evidence, Judge Romanda stated that Carp is, in fact, not a fish. “Fish do not have such tremendous legs.” Romanda said after the ruling, “It is a miracle that a non-fish was birthed in a pond, from an egg no less, but his non-fishness is confirmed.” Carp was pleased with the ruling, stating “I’m pretty pleased with the ruling.” “I’m just happy that we can put this whole issue behind us.” Though this would seem to be the end of the debate, the sides have shifted to new frontiers, including “Is Carp magic?” “Is Crap a suitable nickname?” and “What is Carp?” Carp sleeps soundly tonight knowing that he is not a fish, but the thunderous debates will inevitably lead to another round of late nights in the near future.