Letting Go of Time

Over the past week and a half, I was confronted by an incredibly difficult question. It was not as existential as what my purpose in life was, nor as practical as what kind of career I wanted to pursue after college. It was actually a simple one, one that each one of us encounters daily: What do we need to do with the time that we have?

Some context for this question: about a month after the fall semester starts, the first set of midterms and papers of significant length approaches. Like many students, I had a couple of midterms, and I also needed to write an 8-12 page paper in a week. At the same time, I had also agreed to staff a conference for model United Nations. For those who have never been involved in model UN, this involves dedicating the majority of a weekend to ensure the conference runs smoothly. I had committed to this event, months before I learned of any exam dates. The weekend of the conference happened to fall on the same weekend I might have spent studying for an anthropology midterm and writing a history paper. The time crunch of my schedule created by chance was almost overwhelming.

This experience is hardly unique. Everyone has to balance their obligations, from classes and work to activities, socializing, and sleep. In my conversation with Soren last week, I realized that I had very little experience choosing which activities I truly needed to do. The flash of insight came when Soren told me I had listed 17 things I needed to do in one week, and I had lost track of the number a long time ago.

We live in a society that emphasizes productivity, accomplishing as much as we possibly can in a short period of time. For many students, that translates to joining several clubs, working at a job, and possibly taking five classes. It still amazes me that some of my friends can accomplish most of this and still find time to socialize or sleep. Underneath this atmosphere, there is an undercurrent that we need to dedicate ourselves to all of these commitments, and that not going to something means we’ve lost something, perhaps even conveyed some disrespect. For some things, that certainly is true. Extenuating circumstances aside, you really can’t respect a person’s time in a class or an academic setting if you don’t show up. With that said, schedules full of things to do have made us lose sight of what matters most to us.

At an Eid dinner I went to a few weeks ago, a speaker said that if we love something deeply, we become subservient to it. Even though we may love the new experiences we have in joining a club or taking an interesting class, trying to do everything places us under the control and constraint of time. And unfortunately, time isn’t always forgiving.

In preparation for my exams and paper, I had to forgive myself for not going to some commitments that I usually enjoyed. Letting go of time was painful, but it allowed to put effort into what I felt was meaningful for my own spiritual fulfillment. Did my intentions for studying and writing work out as I had planned them to? Not exactly, especially since I did not anticipate writing 6 pages in a single night. Nevertheless, this stressful, blurry period that has just passed encouraged me to take only the few things that I valued most, and focus my mind on them.

The speaker at the Eid dinner opened with a call to worship God in every moment of our lives and not restrict it to only a single day each week. Likewise, we should not limit what is most precious to us to a small fraction of our busy schedules. We must let go of time occasionally to follow the few things we hold are important for us and our spirits. I did not answer the question I asked at the beginning of this post, but I know I will answer it again and again as the year goes on. Now, I leave you with another question, one that the poet Mary Oliver asked:

“Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”

 

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