In the throws of the ever constant stream of exams that comes with the reality of taking 6 4credit classes, I have desperately tried to cling or to find some semblance of peace. The chaos never ends and it feels like I can never catch my breath. As soon as one thing is done, the next thing is due. I understand that this will be my reality until December 18th when I am finished for the semester.
If it were not for my desperation to move on with my life perhaps I would have stayed in Boston an extra semester. If it were not for the fact that seminary money is really only available as readily if you graduate in the spring like the rest of the world, perhaps I would re-think this life choice.
Having said that, I am not they type to give up or surrender. It feels too much every day. Every day I feel like there is simply no way on this green earth that it will all get done. I like to think that I am responsible and good at time management. I also recognize that sometimes I need to go to the gym or to take a nap all for my own sanity. Every day I am convinced that it will never get done. And so far, everything has gotten done.
I have become rather dependent on my prayer life. I have discovered that in the throws of crying and stressing about the fact that no human should even have four take home exams/papers due within two days of each other, it does not matter. All things are possible. I’ve done it so far. I have adjusted to the relentless stress that this semester has created. I have found a rhythm that while not relaxed, is functional. I found that every day I pray “Okay God, just get me through today. I have three papers and one has to get done. Give me clarity. Give me motivation. Give me strength and perseverance. Give me the patience to know it will all be over soon. Okay God, lets do this.” Every. Single. Morning.
This has been and will continue to be the hardest semester of my life. I chose this course load. I knew what I was getting into. It didn’t feel that bad until October started. I literally have a constant stream of exams and papers from now until the end of the semester. But then…then I have spring semester. Four classes will feel like nothing in comparison. And then I can finally graduate. I am not doing to well at enjoying the journey this semester. I am working on that, when I have time, which is almost never.
All things are possible through God. Including getting through this semester. I can do this. With God’s help, I can do this. Amen.