Vocation

I’m gonna be real with y’all. I’m burnt out. Trying to balance my academic obligations, two jobs and my search for a place to plant my roots after graduation while keeping up with staying emotionally, mentally and physically healthy is a lot more than I’ve asked myself to do in a long time. Lucky for me, I was sent a lot of support this week when I needed it most.

At our BILI (Boston Interfaith Leadership Initiative) meeting on Tuesday, a guest spoke to us about the importance of self-care, reminding us that we will be unable to care for others if we do not adequately care for ourselves. Before this meeting, I wasn’t sure I would make it. To graduation, sure; but any vision I had past that was blurry. I was sure I hadn’t worked hard enough or done enough to get where I hope to be…wherever that is. But on Tuesday, people in my life seemed to rally around me to make me feel better. My best friend reminded me of everything I have accomplished in the past few years and told me not to compare myself to anyone else, that I had time to be even better if I wanted to, and that while I can’t control the way the world turns, I can control where I walk on it. A professor of mine came through with a last-minute recommendation for a job for me, and he spoke with such confidence on my behalf. He had only taught me for four weeks but he was willing to vouch for me. And then, at BILI, my leaders and colleagues made me feel that it was ok to rest, that maybe I need to.

I thought about the way I like to pray, something I learned from Anna Lamott. Help, Thanks, Wow. It’s become my sort of mantra for this academic year. It’s how I talk to God/the cosmos/myself when I’m feeling overwhelmed. Help because I can’t do everything on my own, but I trust I have the love I need. Thanks because I’m very blessed and recognizing that gives me strength. And wow because the world, although intimidating, is an incredible place that I can’t wait to keep discovering.