Vocation

Over Spring Break I had an assignment. Partially because someone I cared about told me to do it, but mostly for myself. The aforementioned person pointed out to me that I like to be in control and know what’s in store for me and that maybe the reason I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately is that, as a graduating senior, a lot of things are unknown. He suggested I make a budget, not the most fun task, but an important one that would perhaps bring me some peace of mind. I sat down with my mother, an accountant and we got to work. We looked up the salary ranges for the types of jobs I’ve been applying for, calculated how much I usually need to spend on food, household supplies and still have some left over for leisure and finally, the part I was dreading, what paying rent in Boston would look like. It was a slow start where I was barely able to locate a tiny studio in my price range, but my mom is wonderful and even as I started to resign myself to anxiety, kept searching. She showed me several places I could see myself living and we could see me being able to afford. I was renewed with a new sense of hope, which actually made me apply to MORE positions than I had been when I was just freaking out. In short, the budget was a good idea.

I spent some more time reflecting on budgeting and how much time we spend on the concept. Humans budget everything— money, time, energy, space and calories. How much can we do in a day? How much can we spend in a weekend? How much can we stray from routine and still be on track with our goals? Then I remembered that there is one resource we never run out of, for God has granted us an infinite supply. Love. No matter how tired I am, or busy my schedule gets, I still have an infinite supply of love for my family, my friends, my faith and my vocation. In that moment I felt that even if I run out of time or space in a day, or have to postpone my goals, that reserve of divine love will still be within me and sustaining me to get past any obstacle. Of course, in moments of stress, I’m apt to forget, but this week I’m committed to reminding myself to breathe, meditate on this infinite love and know that I’ll be ok.