{"id":3478,"date":"2013-10-18T10:30:42","date_gmt":"2013-10-18T14:30:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/core\/?p=3478"},"modified":"2013-10-18T10:31:40","modified_gmt":"2013-10-18T14:31:40","slug":"the-onion-tenth-circle-added-to-dantes-hell","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/core\/2013\/10\/18\/the-onion-tenth-circle-added-to-dantes-hell\/","title":{"rendered":"The Onion: Tenth circle added to Dante&#8217;s Hell"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment3479\" style=\"width: 255px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><a href=\"\/core\/files\/2013\/10\/onion_news1285_jpg_600x1000_q85.jpg\"><img aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment3479\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"\/core\/files\/2013\/10\/onion_news1285_jpg_600x1000_q85-245x300.jpg\" title=\"onion_news1285_jpg_600x1000_q85\" width=\"245\" height=\"300\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-3479\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/core\/files\/2013\/10\/onion_news1285_jpg_600x1000_q85-245x300.jpg 245w, https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/core\/files\/2013\/10\/onion_news1285_jpg_600x1000_q85.jpg 600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 245px) 100vw, 245px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment3479\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Corpadverticus: Total Bastards<\/p><\/div>\n<p><em>The Onion <\/em>rarely fails to deliver&#8230; this time it is their excellent <a href=\"http:\/\/www.theonion.com\/articles\/tenth-circle-added-to-rapidly-growing-hell,507\/\">twist<\/a> on Dante&#8217;s <em>Inferno<\/em> which has caught the Core&#8217;s attention. All those who remember CC102&#8217;s Dantean struggles will appreciate this. Here is an extract:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>CITY OF DIS, NETHER HELL\u2013After nearly four years of construction at an estimated cost of 750 million souls, Corpadverticus, the new 10th circle of Hell, finally opened its doors Monday.<br \/>\n&#8230;<br \/>\n&#8220;A nightmarishly large glut of condemned spirits in recent years necessitated the expansion of Hell,&#8221; inferno spokesperson Antedeus said. &#8220;The traditional nine-tiered system had grown insufficient to accommodate the exponentially rising numbers of Hellbound.&#8221;<br \/>\n&#8230;<br \/>\n&#8220;In the past, the underworld was ill-equipped to handle the new breed of sinners flooding our gates\u2013downsizing CEOs, focus-group coordinators, telemarketing sales representatives, and vast hordes of pony-tailed entertainment-industry executives rollerblading and talking on miniaturized cell-phones at the same time. But now, we&#8217;ve finally got the sort of top-notch Pits of Doom necessary to give such repellent abominations the quality boilings they deserve.&#8221;<br \/>\n&#8230;<br \/>\nAmong the tortures the Corpadverticus Circle of Total Bastards boasts: the Never-Ending Drive-Thru Bank, the Bottomless Pit of Promotional Tie-In Keychains, and the dreaded Chamber of Emotionally Manipulative Home Shopping Network Products.<br \/>\n&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>His face contorted in the Misery of the Damned, a Disney lawyer said: &#8220;It&#8217;s hell here\u2013there are no executive lounges, I can&#8217;t get any decent risotto, and the suit I have to wear is a cheap Brooks Brothers knock-off. I&#8217;m beeped every 30 seconds, and there&#8217;s no way to return the calls. Plus, I&#8217;m being boiled upside down in lard while jackals gnaw at the soles of my feet. If I could just reach the fax machine on that nearby rock, I could contact some well-placed associates and work something out, but it&#8217;s just out of my grasp, and it&#8217;s out of ink and constantly blinking the message, &#8216;Replace Toner Cartridge, Replace Toner Cartridge, Replace Toner Cartridge.&#8217;&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>He then resumed screaming in agony.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Onion rarely fails to deliver&#8230; this time it is their excellent twist on Dante&#8217;s Inferno which has caught the Core&#8217;s attention. All those who remember CC102&#8217;s Dantean struggles will appreciate this. Here is an extract: CITY OF DIS, NETHER HELL\u2013After nearly four years of construction at an estimated cost of 750 million souls, Corpadverticus, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3740,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2534,6590,7628],"tags":[4572,30,3717,5690,302,4794,3718,5064,4779,48398,44814],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/core\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3478"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/core\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/core\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/core\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3740"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/core\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3478"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/core\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3478\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3481,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/core\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3478\/revisions\/3481"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/core\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3478"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/core\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3478"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/core\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3478"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}