{"id":284,"date":"2013-12-04T21:16:47","date_gmt":"2013-12-05T01:16:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/hoochie\/?p=284"},"modified":"2017-10-31T21:17:57","modified_gmt":"2017-11-01T01:17:57","slug":"seriously-its-not-about-the-nail","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/hoochie\/2013\/12\/04\/seriously-its-not-about-the-nail\/","title":{"rendered":"Seriously, it\u2019s NOT about the nail."},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span class=\"embed-youtube\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"610\" height=\"374\" class=\"youtube-player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/-4EDhdAHrOg?version=3&amp;rel=1&amp;fs=1&amp;autohide=2&amp;showsearch=0&amp;showinfo=1&amp;iv_load_policy=1&amp;wmode=transparent\"><\/iframe><\/span><\/p>\n<p>This video is a pretty accurate representation of how many people explain the differences between men and women in society and why relationships fail.<\/p>\n<p>Interpersonal communication can often be simplified into three different types, depending on one\u2019s goal. There are task oriented, relationship oriented, and image oriented. Often communication between two people will be a combination of the three goals. Research has shown that the cause for miscommunications in a romantic heterosexual relationship is frequently a result of men and women having different goals. While men typically communicate in a task-oriented manner, women are more likely to communicate in a relationship-oriented manner.<\/p>\n<p>In the Youtube video, \u201cIt\u2019s not about the nail\u201d, the couple demonstrates an occurrence of miscommunication where the male is seeing the woman as posing a task that she wants him to provide a solution for. He is viewing her communication as task oriented, when it is instead relationship oriented. As a result the woman becomes upset, the man does not understand what he is doing wrong, and nothing is solved.<\/p>\n<p>Jason Headley portrays the subject in a light, humorous way: \u201cUnderstand this and you\u2019ll save your relationship\u201d. The about section reads:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><em>\u201cDon\u2019t try to fix it. I just need you to listen.\u201d Every man has heard these words. And they are the law of the land. No matter what.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>The video reinforces the stereotype of women acting one way, and men acting the other. It sends the message that women are crazy, and men just accept this if they want t0 keep their relationship. At the end of the video, the man is still not listening, only nodding and agreeing with her so she\u2019ll be happy.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019d previously had a teacher send me this video and explain how accurate he found it to be about relationships. The teacher was aware that I was involved with this blog and thought I would be interested in it. I was glad the teacher had linked me to this video, but couldn\u2019t stand the video itself. I proceeded to discuss the video for a good two hours with the teacher where I tried to explain why this video is such a poor example, however even after discussing it in extreme detail I don\u2019t believe I made much headway.<\/p>\n<p>The issue with videos like this one is that it stresses <a title=\"Definition of gender essentialism\" href=\"http:\/\/geekfeminism.wikia.com\/wiki\/Essentialism\" target=\"_blank\">gender essentialism<\/a>. The issue with the communication between this couple can not be reduced to the stereotype that all men think this one way and that all women think this other way. Miscommunication is clearly occurring in this conversation as a result of neither party understanding the goal and mindset behind the other\u2019s comments, but should not solely be explained because one is a man and one is a woman.<\/p>\n<p>I personally have had frequent conversations very similar to this one, where neither person could understand where the other was coming from. This miscommunication has occurred with men and women of a variety of ages. In some of the cases I\u2019ve been the one saying \u201cremove the nail\u201d and in others I\u2019ve been the one saying \u201cdon\u2019t try to fix it, I just need you to listen\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>Dear Society,<br \/>\nStop trying to reduce people to one gender role. Let people communicate how they want to. Maybe instead of simplifying someone into their gender category, you should focus on what they are trying to say.<\/p>\n<p>Isn\u2019t it about time?<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s not about the nail, but it\u2019s also not about gender and if you go with either mindset there\u2019s never going to be successful communication.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This video is a pretty accurate representation of how many people explain the differences between men and women in society and why relationships fail. Interpersonal communication can often be simplified into three different types, depending on one\u2019s goal. There are task oriented, relationship oriented, and image oriented. Often communication between two people will be a &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/hoochie\/2013\/12\/04\/seriously-its-not-about-the-nail\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Seriously, it\u2019s NOT about the nail.<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7073,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[5,81],"tags":[393,202,168,394,203,395,276,224,141,206,396,397,398,209,399,175],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/hoochie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/284"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/hoochie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/hoochie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/hoochie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7073"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/hoochie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=284"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/hoochie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/284\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":285,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/hoochie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/284\/revisions\/285"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/hoochie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=284"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/hoochie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=284"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.bu.edu\/hoochie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=284"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}