So as is our tradition, the two of us (Courtney and Jaimie), go to Kenmore square after church to indulge in some really wonderful falafel sandwiches. When we got in line the woman behind the counter asked us to wait because she needed to make some more falafel balls. While we were waiting a group of young hijabis walked into the restaurant. It was quickly obvious that it was their first time at the restaurant and there was a clear language barrier so they elected a spokesperson of sorts. They had a lot of questions for the woman behind the counter as is understandable. However, there questions were met with obvious tension from the employee. When the two of us reached the cash register paying, one of these women walked up beside us and tried to pay. The woman behind the counter responded, saying “can’t you see I’m in the middle of something here?” Then the woman behind the counter muttered not so quietly “I fucking hate those Arabic people, they’re so rude.”
Courtney:
I was completely astonished. Never before had I witnessed or encountered such blatant discrimination in real life. I didn’t want to be a silent bystander but I had no idea what to do or what to say. I remember in my Holocaust Literature and film class we heard an account of a Jewish lawyer at a restaurant where German officers began to harass him. This was before the impending violence. No one in the restaurant said anything. We were asked about what we thought would have happened if more people spoke out about public prejudice. We were asked how much could have been avoided if people said something. I don’t want to be one of those people in the restaurant that allowed the Holocaust to happen. The rest of the day I felt guilty because I had no idea what I was supposed to say in that moment. I wanted to let the woman know that what she had said made me uncomfortable. I wanted her to know that her hatred was not okay. Yet I stood there passively, too paralyzed to stand up for my own values. If we as a church body are going to really make a difference we need to learn how to be bystanders. We need to talk about these moments and help each other. We need to make it a part of our spiritual practice to be a positive and active bystander. If we claim to stand for justice, we need to be in authentic conversation about what that looks like and what that means. I didn’t know what to say but I am sure someone in my life does. The more we can get comfortable talking about injustice and prejudice the more we can learn how to positively and progressively work to eliminate it. I never want to feel that helpless again.
Jaimie:
I didn’t speak up. I should have spoken up. I want to believe that I’m the kind of person who would speak up, and I know I’m the kind of person that has said that I would speak up. But I looked at that woman’s face, and I heard her speak violence against a whole group of people that I have enormous love and respect for and I just smiled and paid, and sat down. I’m not proud of this response. But I have an idea why, I reacted like this. There’s one detail that we didn’t mention when we told the story originally, and that is that the woman behind the counter was black. In my life, I am on a journey to understand my own privilege and the power that I hold in society. This journey is forcing me to look myself in the eye and see the racism that is so deeply embedded in my body and in my history. There’s a part of me that feels so guilty for the damage that my white skin has done that I feel like the only thing I can say to people of color is “I’m sorry” and “I’d do anything to take back what my ancestors have done to you”. As I stood in the falafel shop and heard this woman insult Muslims, all I could think was “Jaimie, hold up a sec! Are you actually thinking about calling out a black person for being racist? What are you even thinking? What gives you the right to say anything when you have racism in you too?”
And this time I let those voices win. I let my shame and my guilt prevent me from living into my values. And really, it’s because instead of seeing a person making a hateful and ignorant statement, I saw a reflection of my own guilt and insecurity. I know now though that as I work to eliminate the racism in my self, I need to be willing to call it out in others, even if it makes me uncomfortable. No matter who said it, this woman’s comment was abhorrent and I hope in the future to be the kind of person that will say something if I hear something like this again.