No Boundaries

Ben enjoying his tofu, rice and beans burrito at Boloco, May 2012

Our town’s Memorial Day celebrations took place last weekend, so this weekend, Sherin and I basked in limited scheduled activities and actually finished some projects around the house. We needed to run some errands with Ben and Charlotte in tow, and afterwards, we treated them to their favorite burrito place, Boloco.

Boston Local Company, aka Boloco, has been one of our favorite eateries ever since Ben started spending numerous nights at Boston Children’s Hospital, because 1) it’s just across the street, 2) the food is fresh and yummy and 3) it’s inexpensive. A winner by our books! Ben, a vegetarian, loves it because he can add tofu to everything. On Saturday, after describing our children’s numerous requests (hold this, more of that) and while I was fishing cash out of my wallet, Shawn, who was taking our order at Natick Boloco said, “No worries, this one’s on me!”.

Stunned, I just looked at him and said “Why?”, and he said, with a big smile on his face, “because he’s so cute!”, obviously referring to Ben. I continued to just stand there, but managed to utter a “Thank you so much”, and then sat down. I kept thinking, “why did he do that?”. His kindness prompted me to think about the field of helping behavior, which examines why people make decisions to help some people and not others. Bernard Weiner experimentally determined that people help if they feel that the conditions under which someone needs help are uncontrollable, not their fault or they are not responsible for whatever has happened to them. Researchers in the social work field also found that altruism and generosity makes people healthier and happier. This concept is now known as the helper therapy principle, which therapists use to help people with mental illness through their recoveries by engaging them in acts of helping others.

Our family has experienced so many random acts of kindness over the years: the pharmacist offering Ben tickets to a Bruins game, a friend inviting Ben to a Celtics game, a friend giving Ben his iPad, numerous offers of taking Lucy and Charlotte out when we are home caring for Ben, friends dropping off groceries or full meals when they know it’s hard for us to get these tasks done, and so many more acts of kindness. We try to “pay it forward” by doing as much as we can for others who need our help. And I can certainly attest that it does indeed feel good to help others. So let the “helper therapy principle” reign for all of us!

As for Shawn, I later regained my composure and talked to him more indepth when he wasn’t so busy. I think he knows how grateful we were for his act of kindness. And lest anyone think this is a freak incident, I must disclose that at least 4 years ago, when Ben and I were in the Natick Boloco, another employee gave Ben a Boloco gift card, presumably for the same reasons. There is a lot of helping behavior going on at that Natick Boloco!