I don’t know why I live in New England, because I hate winter. I hate the cold. I hate the snow. I hate sleet. I don’t ski. I hate ice. I hate winter coats, hats and gloves.
And so, on February 2 of this year, when the World’s most famous Groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, came out of his little house, and failed to see his shadow, I was ecstatic. Early spring! No long winter!
And we all know what happened next. Storm after storm, inch after inch, the snow piled up throughout February. And then throughout March. We are supposed to get more snow tomorrow night. 
Enough is enough, said the people of the great state of Ohio. They have indicted Punxsutawney Phil for misrepresentation of spring. Apparently this is a crime in Ohio. If it isn’t a crime in your home state, it should be. To intentionally mislead people, give them false hope of warmth and sunshine, is among the most cruel crimes one can commit. I am not sure if Ohio’s prosecutors intend to hold a trial. It is unclear whether groundhogs have constitutional rights, so all of the procedures we discussed in class may be out the window.
All that remains is to determine the appropriate sentence for Phil. What shall we do to the little vermin? 
