This past week one of my close friends lost a dear and beloved family member. It has been hard, as it always is when someone we love leaves us.
As I sat with her and held her hand I thought about what I wanted to say. Pastor type people always know what to say.
Then for a moment I reflected on all of the things people had said to me over the years after I had lost a loved one. I realized that the pastor who helped me the most just sat with me, held me, and let me cry.
I looked at my friend and I said, I don’t have any magic words. I don’t think I can say anything to really help. This sucks, and it is allowed to suck. It is going to suck for a while, and that is okay. I am here for you.
So often when people are sad we want to help. We want to say something, anything to make them feel better. Unfortunately, those sayings do not actually make anyone feel better.
“Everything happens for a reason”
“They are in a better place now”
“God needed another angel in heaven”
I only remember the anger that I felt for people as they offered me condolences. When I was 16 one of my Best Friends Bobby died from a rare heart condition in his sleep. 17 year olds don’t die for a reason. I don’t care if he is in a better place I want him here with me.
Last April my Dear Friend Autumn Jenkins was struck and killed by a drunk driver. God has plenty of angels, why did my friend have to go?
Grief is hard. Sometimes the best thing we can do is just sit with that, and sit with our loved ones who are grieving. Excusing away the reality of the pain does not help us deal with it.
Grief is hard and that is okay. Amen.