Vocation

I awoke today to vague text in a group message about police sirens and ambulances outside a friends dorm. My friend lives at Kilachand Hall and he awoke to the news of a freshman’s body being found. I learned of this new at the beginning of my first discussion at about 12PM and finally understood the severity of the situation. I’m still unsure of the details, but I know a precious life was lost this morning. I’ve been grappling with what was going through the individual’s mind or what could have led to his circumstances or if I could have done anything to prevent this, but what dominated my thoughts is why God allowed this to happen. I felt like Jacob how he wrestled with God except I wasn’t looking for a blessing but instead I was searching for answers. I wanted God to yell down and say “I have him now and don’t worry it’s all apart of the plan”. I waited all day for those words, but those words never came instead. Instead I focused on the midterm I had to write and remembering my work schedule. Instead, I chose to think about myself and focus little on the tragedy that had occurred at the place I call home. I finished classes for the day, wrote my blog and then headed to the law building to study for a few hours. At about 8 I left for the gym and the events at Kilachand Hall didn’t even cross my mind the entire time I was there. I go to take a shower and set up my music so I can listen and place my phone on shuffle. After the first song, Hezekiah Walker’s, I Need You to Survive comes on and as I listen to the song I realize that we can all do more.

It’s simple and cliche, but the song says it in the title. Simple tell someone, “you need them” and mean it. It can go miles and that simple act of showing someone that they’re worth it can brighten their day and perhaps save their life. No, God did not yell the words I so desperately wanted to hear. Instead, he made me work and wrestle with him just like Jacob. He made ask, what matters to me and why?, and with a simple song made me realize I can do more. The fault is not with me nor anyone else, but we have to learn from this and move forward. What gave Jacob the right to wrestle with God? The answer to that is for another post, but as a follower of Christ I think you have to wrestle with God.