During our clergy ethics training, Soren (our internship advisor) asked the interns a number of questions, the goal being to realize that if we answered “no” to most/all of these questions, we needed to reevaluate the ways we allocate our time. I answered yes to most of them (Do you have significant outside activities? Yes! The Theatre. Do you have people you can talk to outside the ministry setting? Yes! In the Theatre.) and no to only a few (Do you have an exercise routine? Um…working on it). The only question that truly made me pause was one about taking a day off every week for yourself. I could not honestly say that I did, and that was exemplified by the fact that the next day, I was off on a student leadership retreat on Saturday, and then my Marsh Chapel duties on Sunday. I fell seriously behind on work, and I told myself I would complete everything the following weekend, but oh wait, I had planned a trip to New York to see a four hour, fifteen minute avant garde opera (more about how I found God in that during a later blog post). So basically, in addition to my blogging falling behind (sorry guys), I was a week and a half behind in reading and homework for a few other classes as well.
I have been aware that taking time for myself has been an issue since 8th grade when I was the “yearbook editor” and spent every single recess cooped up in the computer lab organizing photos of my friends who were outside building friendships without me. In high school, I at least learned how to be social within the confines of the mountain of responsibilities I put on myself, and this year, for the first time, in college, I finally learned how to say no to an activity. However, I still find myself falling into the trap of using my one day off, Saturdays, for “work”. I miss the days over the summer when I truly did have time to read a book or go to the beach.
Speaking about books I haven’t had time to read, Abraham Joshua Heschel’s book The Sabbath (see what I did there?). I picked it up because I thought I would be motivated to get to Marsh Chapel early enough for the book club, but let’s be honest: during the week, I start class every day at 8 a.m. except for Thursdays, which start at 9:30 a.m., so the extra hour on Sunday mornings really means a lot to me in a purely selfish, superficial way. I read the introduction, and it sounds like a great book, and it relates to my struggle to find a significant amount of time every week to just let me relax in God’s presence. So I am using this blog as a contract to myself that I will read The Sabbath and finish it by Thanksgiving. It is not a huge read, so I am also hoping I can get it done by the end of October. And one I am done, I will, in a blog post, explore my relationship with my day off.
My habit for scheduling out my Saturdays to the millisecond with “fun” activities has made me lose touch with a number of things, namely the joy that I used to experience in being spontaneous. And although I never want to be one of those people who schedules spontaneity into their day, I need to follow my impulses more and take a greater risk every once in a while. I believe that this is what the Sabbath can mean for me personally as I intentionally explore what it means to take time for God, and thus take time for myself.