I’ve been struggling lately. I’m having the year of my life, I’m becoming the person I always wanted to be. A student leader, an activist, and someone who has found two internships that push me to ask more questions and think less about those answers. But, I’ve been struggling. The everyday task that these roles I’ve taken on entale have taken a toll on me. From the outside eye I think it’s very hard to see I’ve been struggling. At least I hope. I’ve been in my head to much these last few weeks. Emotionally high and lows from birthdays to my grandfather getting really sick, I haven’t found a balance. At my internship I realized that I hadn’t though about how I teach Jesus in the Old Testament. Moreover, is that how I should teach young and impressionable minds. I don’t have that answer. I’ve been hoping someone would just tell me the answer, but what would I learn from that. I haven’t taken the time to sit down with my bible and think for myself. I need to make more time for that. I also, need more time to enjoy this year. The commitments I’ve made this year, I’m passionate about. I want to embrace the moment that I’m in but I’m constantly thinking about my next task and next obligation. Maybe that’s normal, maybe me thinking so critically about this is the odd part. I don’t enjoy talking about my own accomplishments, I’d rather work in silence . Achieve excellence while not being singled out. I think this blog is the only place I can explain myself while not being perceived as arrogant. A leader complaining about doing the things that leaders are supposed to do seems odd to me.
My thoughts have been muddled, my mind constantly moving. Every week I’ve been telling myself to slow down. Each week I seem to speed up. I don’t know if I should embrace the speed or step on the brakes and slow down. I hope my search for balance is found soon.