COM Ambassador Blog

Jon: Get Involved! BU’s Professional Film Fraternity

Going into the film industry is all about gaining hands-on experience as early as you can and fostering creative and collaborative connections with your peers. If you are a Film and TV major, want to work in the film industry, or join an organization of people interested and passionate about movies, check out DKA – BU’s national, professional, gender-inclusive, cinematic fraternity.

Who we are – DKA is a student organization at universities across the US in which students who aspire to work in the film industry can network and improve their industry skills. We are a professional fraternity, so professional development is at our core.

What we do – We host all kinds of events related to the film industry throughout the year. Every December we host a student film festival designed to showcase scripts and films from BU’s best filmmakers. We also do a production within the chapter each semester, usually a music video or a short film. Lastly, we also have a weekly screenwriters workshop for anyone who wants to get their scripts looked at by their peers. We also do a variety of social events that range from movie screenings to group retreats

How to join – Spring 2019 Rush starts in January so if you’re interested check us out on Facebook or on BU’s website. We will also be hosting rush events throughout the GSU all month so you can meet us there.

My professional skills and my network has grown as a part of DKA in addition to the lifelong friendships that I have fostered through the amazing people involved in this organization. If you’re interested you can also reach out to me via social media or email! We’d love to have you as a part of DKA!

Angeli: Video Interviews Aren’t That Scary

Ah, senior year. While your academic career might be slowing down, your professional career is only beginning. This time can thus be scarily summed up in two words: job search. Depending on your major and dream position, this *super* fun extracurricular might entice you as early as August or as late as May, but I’m sure I speak for all seniors when I say the consequent anxiety can last year-round.

I think what makes this chapter of undergraduate life so nerve-wrecking is all of the novelty it entails. Applying for internships is one thing, but applying for a full-time job is a very different ball game. The interviewing process often takes more rounds and requirements than you’re used to. You’ll likely be asked questions you’ve never prepared for. You'll have to consider annual salary and benefits, vital necessities you’ve never really thought about before. Then, once you land the position, there’s the possibility of moving to a brand new city and having to find a new home and new friends.

I myself am still at the earlier stages of this course. I’ve started my application series and am now facing my own set of first’s. One of the most recent and most daunting is something we professionals like to call the “video interview.” For those who have never had to do one before (or yet), it’s an interesting concept to say the least. Essentially, instead of the traditional phone interview, a lot of companies are modernizing their first or second round of interviewing by using softwares that allow for online, recorded interviews. Here’s how it works:

1) You’re given a question to answer either written in text or delivered in a prerecorded video by your interviewer.

2) You have a controlled amount of time to think of your response (for me, it was 20 seconds.)

3) You have a controlled amount of time to record your response (for me, it was 2 minutes.)

4) You revert to Step 1 until you’ve answered all of the questions (for me, it was a set of 6.)

When I recently received an email invitation to complete this kind of interview from a company at the top of my list, I was incredibly excited to have advanced to the next round of the application but also SO nervous. I had no idea what to expect, other than a horror story from my older brother about him cracking under the time-crunch pressure the last time he had to complete a video interview. Not wanting fear to get in the way of an immense opportunity, I aggressively surfed the web to prep myself as much as possible. Ultimately, I'm a video interviewer survivor quite happy with how it turned out. I thought I should share what I learned with my fellow COM kids so you too can tackle this potential challenge.

Tip #1: PRACTICE.

Some video interviewing softwares, such as Wepow (the one I had to use), allow you to gain some experience before your actual interview via a couple of optional practice questions. I HIGHLY recommend taking advantage of this feature if it’s offered so that you don't go in blind and can calm some of your nerves. If you’re unsure of whether you’ll have practice questions or want to build your confidence earlier, you can also take matters into your own hands by simply practicing with your webcam. Ask yourself some typical interview questions (see Tip #2) and set a timer of two minutes to see how eloquently you can answer under the constraint.

Tip #2: PREPARE.

Just as you would for any other kind of interview, make sure to do your research. Familiarize yourself with the company as much as possible but also see what you can find regarding its usual interviewing procedure from sources like Glassdoor and LinkedIn (hello BU alumni...) If you’re lucky, you’ll find questions asked to past applicants that can give you an idea of what to expect. If not, you can just look up and/or hypothesize typical questions asked in first or second rounds. From there, you can jot down ideas for answers that you can use while practicing. If you’re really lucky, you’ll end up prepping yourself for questions actually posed in the video interview. It happened to me!

Tip #3: POWER POSE.

Ever since I watched this life-changing Ted Talk in high school, I’ve been a huge proponent of power posing. If you’re feeling nervous as your mouse hovers over that interview link, take a moment to breathe and literally lift yourself up. Remind yourself that you’ve got this because the most important thing is to be yourself. Employers aren’t looking for robotic responses. You’ll want your recordings to feel as natural as an in-person conversation. And trust me, you'll survive.

Sydney: Time Flies When You’re Having Fun!

Four years ago, I came into BU confused and unsure of where it would take me. Fast forward to now, and I have been lucky enough to not only call Boston a second home, but studied abroad in both Dublin, Madrid, and next semester, Los Angeles.

Although I am sad my time in Boston is coming to an end, I am grateful for the opportunities I’ve had the past few years with some of the most amazing friends.

I came to BU undecided with my major; I had no idea what I wanted to study and where the major would take me. I considered communications, business, and even nutrition. I joined several clubs such as BUTV, Her Network, and Student Government. Communications became my main interest, so after taking COM 101 freshman spring, I decided to declare my major in Public Relations. Freshman year really taught me to be open to new things, new people, and a new environment.

The summer after freshman year I had the opportunity to intern at NBC New York. This was my first real internship and I had an amazing experience learning about what it takes to work in a newsroom, especially one as highly regarded as NBC. Working out of 30 Rockefeller Plaza was a dream. It also confirmed my confidence in my recently declared major; I realized I did not want to be a journalist and that PR was the right choice.

Coming back to school sophomore year was so exciting; I was eager to be back on campus and reunite with my friends who I hadn’t seen all summer. I joined PRSSA, learning so much about the field of Public Relations. I spent the year as a Victoria’s Secret PINK Brand Ambassador, when we came so close to winning a free concert on BU’s campus out of over 100 schools. I planned a free yoga class and other events for PINK, as well as was flown to New York to visit the Victoria’s Secret headquarters. I became a COM Ambassador and joined my sorority, Sigma Kappa, meeting so many new, amazing people!

The summer after sophomore year I decided to study abroad in Dublin. I had never spent more than a week in another country before this, so I was extremely excited to immerse myself in a new city, learn about their culture, travel, as well as intern at Ali Coffey Casting. Spending the summer in Dublin was a dream; I made so many new friends from the program, and traveled around Ireland and Europe. I became so much more independent, and I miss my time in Dublin every day.

The fall of my junior year I was a Communications Intern in the Department of Biomedical Informatics at Harvard Medical School. I found this internship on Handshake, and although it did not align with my career goals of working in the entertainment industry, I learned more than I ever thought I would about the medical field, as well as discovered a new area of Boston- the Longwood area. This was my first semester being assigned a COM Ambassador group, and I really enjoyed helping mentor freshman and serve as a resource with their transition into college. My second semester junior year I studied abroad in Madrid, which was an amazing experience. The Madrid program was so different from my Dublin program because for one, I lived with a host family (who I miss so much!), there was a different language, and I met even more new friends. I traveled so much around Europe during those four months, and fell in love with the city of Madrid. I interned at a magazine called HELLO!, learning more about the journalism side of the entertainment industry. Although they were different, both of my study abroad opportunities were amazing experiences.

This past summer, I found an internship in LA at William Morris Endeavor, where I interned with students from all over the country, and further developed my passion for working in the entertainment industry.

This semester, I have been enjoying my last few months in Boston as much as I could. I am interning at Boston Casting, where I have been able to be an extra for a TV show, as well as learn about casting for feature films. I am spending a lot of time with my friends, who I will not see for a while since I will not be in Boston with them next semester. I’ve also been trying to explore different parts of Boston one last time.

Reflecting on these past few years have made me extremely grateful and feel so lucky for all the opportunities I have experienced, and the friendships I have made. Every experience has helped me grow immensely as an individual, and I know I will always keep growing. Next semester I am heading back to LA, this time on the BU Study Abroad Program. I am eager to be back in La La Land, and am so excited for the experiences coming my way. Although I will miss Boston, I know the LA program will bring even more opportunities and friendships to my life.

I will see you at graduation, Boston.

Laura: So Much to Miss in Boston

Next semester, I will be traveling abroad to Sydney, Australia for Boston University’s internship program! I will be flying for approximately 21 hours to the land of beaches, kangaroos, and vegemite and saying goodbye to some American, and specifically Boston, staples. In memoriam of being away from those things for four months, I have composed a list of the things I will miss most while I am down under:

Trader Joe's
This is number one for a reason. I will miss the convenience of shopping at the Coolidge Corner store every week and the cauliflower rice!
Marathon Monday
T. Anthony’s Pizzeria
Picco pizza (I really like pizza, can you tell?)
Studying on the 3^rdor 6^thfloor of Mugar
Going to the Boston Public Library to pick up books to read
The view from the 26^thfloor of Stuvi2
American-specific content on Netflix (aka The Office)
Lemonade
Apparently ordering lemonade isn’t really a thing in Australia, the closest thing is Sprite.
Flywheel classes in the Prudential
Ketchup
If there is one thing to know about me, I put ketchup on everything. Apparently, if I want ketchup in Australia I will have to ask for “tomato sauce,” but then what am I supposed to do if I actually want tomato sauce!?
Matcha lattes from the Pavement coffeehouse on Commonwealth Ave
Walking from my dorm in West campus to class in East campus each day
FitRec
Running the COM open house in April with my fellow COM Ambassadors
The leaves changing on Bay State Road

Short list of things I will not miss: Snow and hearing everyone talk about Tom Brady.

I will miss my friends, family, and Boston University as a whole more than anything (even more than Trader Joe's). Boston University has prepared me to take a leap of faith and travel across the world and I know that I am prepared for this journey of a lifetime. I will be back soon Boston, don’t you forget about me!

Lauren: Your Career in a Nutshell: A Guide to Making the Perfect Portfolio

Internship application season is well underway for journos, with most internship deadlines already passing on the first of November. However, plenty of publications are still looking for interns for the summer. You might have seen that a lot of applications call for portfolio websites, even for non-multimedia journalists. Don't fret, making a portfolio is much easier than you might think! I'm here to take you through it step-by-step, and the end result will hopefully be a portfolio that showcases all of your skills and accomplishments as an aspiring journalist.

Step 1: Create it!

As you can see above, welcome to my portfolio, laurenfrias.wordpress.com! For starters, pick a content management software (in layman's terms: a website creator) to begin building your website. My personal preference was WordPress, as I had used it before to create blogs, but other popular websites include Wix and Squarespace. Once you find the best CMS for you, it's time to name it! This is the easiest part. It's just your name! You'll find yourself at a disadvantage if the domain is already in use, but if that's the case, consider using your middle initial or middle name as a whole to differentiate. You can go the extra mile and buy your domain name (for a small monthly fee depending on the website creator that you choose), and you'll become the new sole owner of yourname.com. Congrats, now you have a website!

Step 2: Customize it!

This is probably the most difficult step of them all. What's good about website creators is that they come with a lot of preloaded designs that you can choose from. Make sure to choose the website layout that is the least complex to navigate, as most internship recruiters will rarely spend a lot of time trying to figure out the layout of your website than reading the content that you upload. Even if you're drawn in by the pretty designs and pictures of a certain preset website designs, just remember that you can take a simpler website format and create the same aesthetic with a little bit of work on the Customizer toolbar.

Step 3: Personalize it!

No, this is not a reiteration of the last step. Once you get the website to an aesthetic that you approve of, it's time to really make it your own. That is, it's time to showcase yourself as a journalist and make this portfolio a summation of what you've accomplished in your career thus far! That being said, make sure to write a concise About Me page with a short bio about yourself, kind of like how you would write in the introductory paragraph of a cover letter. Your portfolio is also a good place to keep an updated copy of your resumé for recruiters to find it to either screenshot or download for themselves, say in the instance that the file that you supplied was corrupted or it was not the most recent version. You should also include a Contact Me page, listing an email that you can be best reached at and a phone number. Be careful how you format it, however; there are lots of internet bots that can skim your phone number and email off your website and flood your inbox and voicemail with spam. One way that I've avoided it is through differentiating the typical email format (i.e. youremail (at) gmail (dot) com) or simply omitting the information as a whole.

Step 4: Upload it!

As you might have seen in the title of this blog, this is your career in a nutshell; I only emphasize this point because it's important not to make your portfolio a complete timeline of your experiences. Instead, it highlights the best parts of your past experiences and shows your potential employer in five minutes or less what you may have accomplished in five years, or whatever the case may be. In my opinion, I would upload your top five to seven clips of your best work from each of your past internships, and maybe even less so depending on how much experience you have. On my portfolio, I provided links to my work on the original publication's website, unless the article was blocked by a paywall, in which case I would create a downloadable file that had a PDF of the headline, text, publication, and date of publication. Make sure to create parent pages and child pages to easily organize your clips into a navigable structure.

Step 5: Update it!

Now that you have a complete portfolio, the job isn't over. As you grow and develop as a professional journalist, you need to make sure that your portfolio reflects that as well. That means updating it with your most recent clips, uploading an updated version of your resume, and making sure that the information included is the most relevant to who you are now (class year, current internship, etc.). It may seem like tedious work, but once you land the internship — or even job — of your dreams, it will all be worth in the long run.

With all of this information your disposal, I hope I was able to lessen the intimidation of creating a portfolio. It's not as much of a beast as it seems, and with this step-by-step guide, you'll see your byline in your dream publication in no time.

Zach: 5 Best Music Venues to See Shows at in the Boston Area

For decades, Boston has been known as one of the nation’s best music city’s. From its thriving DIY scene, to the talent which flows out of Berklee College of Music, and to some of the most historically great venues around Beantown has all you can want musically. As a musician, this was obviously a huge factor in selecting Boston as my new home for four years. Living in Allston, about a mile away from BU’s Central Campus, has allowed me to become ingrained with its thriving music culture in its local bars and sweaty basements. For many, the Allston DIY lifestyle is not for them, in fact, many BU students simply want to see a concert or two every semester from some of their favorite artists. Luckily, Boston has some of the coolest spots to see live music which go above and beyond the DIY ethos of Allston Rat City.

5. House of Blues
Located right across the street from Fenway Park, the House of Blues Boston provides your standard General Admission experience. The venue is perfectly situated for those East Campus folk who don’t feel like dropping gobs of money on transportation. The House of Blues hosts some bigger names then the rest of the venues on this list—the types of artists that are right between playing TD Garden and the Royale. I have seen some excellent shows here as the sound and ambience is consistently on point.

4. Brighton Music Hall
Brighton Music Hall is a smaller, unimposing venue right down Brighton Ave. in Allston. With this being said, it’s probably the largest venue in Rat City you can go to outside of Paradise Rock Club (not a fan). Although I have only seen one show here, BMH holds a tremendous amount of real estate in my heart because it was where I saw my first concert as a BU student, in fact, it was the first show I attended in Boston, period. My memory is a little fuzzy on what the space looks like, but the sound was fantastic and plenty of local talent rolls through. This is the perfect place to go if you are looking to see an act that you have never seen before.

3. The Middle East
Amid some sexual assault allegations on one the Middle East’s promoters, I have not been to this venue in a very long time. If it weren’t for said allegations, the Cambridge restaurant and nightclub would probably occupy the #1 spot on this list. Fortunately, I believe the assailant has been removed from the venue and I have seen more and more artists that I have liked reappearing on bills there. The Middle East may be known for its great Middle Eastern fair, but it also serves as a fantastic venue by night. Three rooms designated for shows occupy the building: the Upstairs, the Downstairs, and Sonia, a newer space which is really what makes this venue so great. The Middle East Upstairs is a much tighter knit venue, but holds some pretty solid smaller acts, while Downstairs holds larger shows equivalent to that of the Sinclair. Sonia is a middle ground between the two and has the best sound and layout for some really killer shows!

2. Royale
Most know the Royale as a nightclub, but the space actually holds some of the best shows that I have been to in Boston. I have seen a number of acts at this downtown location and it never ceases to amaze me how well the venue runs its shows. The sound and lights have been perfect at every show I’ve seen at the Royale. The venue always hosts great acts, too. I’m always finding myself clicking the “Interested” button on Facebook events held at the Royale. If there is any venue that hosts mid-sized to bordering on the larger side acts, the Royale is above and beyond the best. My only gripe is that the middle of the GA section is raised due the fact that its main room is often used as a clubbing space.

The Sinclair
Finally, we have reached #1, and yes it is The Sinclair. The Sinclair is a mid-size to smaller size venue which hosts acts of all kinds. It is located right in Harvard Square, which makes it a little difficult to get to, but the venue itself is incredibly ideal. I have only seen great shows here with fantastic crowds. The lighting and sound are on par with the Royale, but the smaller size is much comfier without feeling too small. Similarly to Brighton Music Hall, plenty of local acts play here. It’s another space perfect for seeing artists that you may have never seen before, while also hosting plenty of household names.

Lilah: Our COMmunity

When I first took my tour of COM, the tour guides said, “at COM, we create friendships, because we know that in the future, we’ll all be working together.” This was one of the main reasons I came to BU. Although I can be extremely competitive at Mariokart, I wanted to be friends with the people I worked with in college. Competitive, dog-eat-dog environments did not appeal to me, and I wanted to form connections that would last me a lifetime.

Out of all the things I learned about BU before coming here, that has rung true every day. I am currently working on four team projects simultaneously. From pitches to sets, as a film and television major, I am constantly having to While that may seem daunting, working with other students at COM is not. We all are so motivated, which inspires others. We do not need to beat each other down in order to bring others up. All of us are aware of how hard people work at COM. So, the general feeling is, no one wants to let their classmates down. Collaboration is such a key element to succeeding here. Currently, I am directing for Hothouse Productions, our student-run, client-driven production company. Especially as a leader, you have to hear everyone out, and respect everyone.

It is my last year in Boston, because I am graduating early. So, below I wrote some tips and lessons I have learned while studying here.

Be patient.
If there’s anything that’s needed in a team, it’s for everyone to be understanding. People work at different paces, so figure out how to divvy up the work so everyone is comfortable!

Don’t be afraid to share your ideas.
My confidence has grown throughout the years in COM. My freshman year, I was so nervous to share my own ideas, because I didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes. Now, I have the gusto to be proud of my own creativity, while still collaborating with others.

Be kind, and find those who you work best with.

Friends work with friends. If you prove that you’re a good teammate, people will want to work with you later on. Eventually, you find the people who you get along with best. Not just the people who are the best at what they do, but who you can also can crack a joke with during breaks.

While this is all a ball of cheese, I couldn't be more thankful for the community in COM.

Hannah: Hey! Having A Roommate Isn’t All That Bad!

I grew up an only child. Because of this, I like to have my space. I got used to a quiet household and being alone in my room for hours. When I came to BU, I was super nervous about having a roommate. However, I am now pro-roommate! I currently share a double with CA Maddy and let me tell ya, we have the roommate situation DOWN. Here are a few reasons why I love having a roommate:

1. You have a shoulder to lean on (and you can be the shoulder too!)

As the R.E.M. song states, “Everybody Hurts.” It is normal to get sad or overwhelmed with missing home, schoolwork, social pressures and so much more. I have burst into tears in my room and been lucky to have Maddy there to give me a hug. Even if you aren’t BFFs with your roommate, that person will be there for you! Even a small, “Hey, wanna talk?” can make all the difference.

2. You develop open communication skills.

Everyone has a unique way of living. You are bound to disagree on something with your roommate and that is a-okay. If your roommate is doing something that isn’t your cup of tea, you learn to tell them how you feel and have a conversation to foster healthy compromises.

3. You learn how to take criticism.

Here’s a little secret. I was forgetting to turn off the lights in our dorm (ahh!) and Maddy texted me asking if I could start doing it. I’m happy she told me that! I was being a careless goose and now, because of her, I have minimized my global footprint.

4. You become more selfless.

When you are living with someone, you get a view into their world and this sparks empathy. When I am home, it’s not just me and my thoughts, I get to have conversations and observe how I am not the only person going through life’s normal struggles

5. You grow deeper friendships.

Not all roommates have to best friends for life, but I’m thankful to have a great friend in Maddy. However, because I live with her, we cannot physically talk all day every day. This grows our friendship because we are comfortable sitting in silence and enjoying each other’s company without social pressure.

6. You get design inspiration

You get to see how someone else decorates and organizes their life. It’s like a real-world Pinterest and that’s pretty darn cool.

So the next time you say, “I have a roommate,” say it with pride! Roommates are dope and they don’t get enough credit. This one goes out to you, CA Maddy!

Morgan: November is for Food and Family

Friendsgiving- a holiday that you cannot find on official calendars, but a holiday that liters Snapchat filters and lingers in the schedule planners of college students across the country.

Thanksgiving has always been a time for family. An opportunity to see cousins that you haven’t see since last Thanksgiving. A time for your grandparents to fill you up with food after swearing that you’ve lost weight since they’ve seen you last. And a chance for your parents to catch you up with all the latest news and gossip from the family.

In college, however, friends are the ones who take on the role of your family when your blood relatives are not within reach. For many students, college is the first time that they find themselves truly fending for themselves. I heavily relied on my family to be my number one support system. Yet, when I left the comfort of Queens, New York and settled on Commonwealth Avenue in 2016, my new friends were the ones who filled the void that my family holds when I am home. Friends are the ones who are immediately there for you as you learn to clean the bathroom, they are the shoulders that you lean on when you receive a low score on the exam that you spent weeks preparing for, and the ones on the other end of your text messages when you’re looking for someone to eat dinner with.

This is why the concept of Thanksgiving has taken on a new level of importance in college settings. Friendsgiving becomes a time for us to show our friends who have become our family how much we really appreciate them. Sure, the food may not be up to par with your mom’s homemade turkey and apple pie, but the company is why we really celebrate, the food is just a bonus.

As I write this blog post I am on the bus back to Boston after four fun filled days back home. Every time I leave home I am sad. Sad to be away from my family until our next break and sad to return to the work that is sure to follow in the weeks ahead. However, this four-hour bus ride has given me the opportunity to reflect on all that I gain while at BU. The people both back home in NY and at school have provided me with a “family” in two cities. Now I know that sadness is the wrong word to describe how I feel while exiting the New York borders. Rather, I would say that I feel bittersweet. While it is always bitter to say bye for now to my loved ones at home, now I know the sweetness of having a second family in Boston to eat turkey with, to support me, and a second family to give thanks to this November.

Carly: An Ode to Home

“I hate California. I want to go to the east coast. I want to go where culture is, like New York, or Connecticut or New Hampshire.” - Lady Bird” - Carly Berke

Although I am not from Sacramento, Lady Bird’s residence of origin, nor am I even from Northern California itself, I could not have written a better line to encapsulate my senior year experience. I had pledged to flee Southern California at the beginning of my freshman year of high school. I was convinced that I wanted to travel as far away from California as possible and immerse myself in “East Coast culture” (i.e. seasons, snowfall, preppy elitists). So I left. I came to Boston, Massachusetts, one of the furthest possible locations from Los Angeles I could have chosen, save Vermont or Maine.

I was convinced that leaving home would “save me”, and I would blossom into the New Englander (or, alternatively, New Yorker) that I was born to be.

Truthfully, I was really only under the impression (as so many angsty teenagers are) that my family was the bane of my existence, and I felt stifled. In hindsight, a lot of my adolescent experience was tainted by mental illness, which is a story for another time. But nonetheless, my relationship with my family was challenging, and as a result I was eager to send a message by moving so far away. Moreover, the relentless heat in Los Angeles irked me. I was growing increasingly appalled by the Youtube/Vine/Social Media Influencer community that was growing in the city, and I convinced myself that I would never fit in anywhere (disclaimer: this is B.S. There is a place in L.A. for everyone).

Thus when college came, I tried to start over on the other side of the country. At first, I loved it. I loved meeting kids who had grown up in Mass and Jersey and Connecticut and New York, and I loved watching the seasons change. I loved engaging in a “Dunkin vs. Starbucks” debate and I loved wearing heavy winter clothing. I liked that Boston was so incredibly detached from my life at home. I liked that I felt like I was living a double life, with my old life growing increasingly faint.

But then it started to get harder. During my second year, the cold weather affected me more than it had the year prior. I was having trouble connecting with some people and felt more lost than I had on the first day of freshman year. I had a career crisis and was forced to contemplate the fact that a career I thought I wanted my entire life was no longer a path I wanted to follow. This discomfort, loneliness, and unease manifested itself in a general resentment toward Boston and the East Coast, at least for a short period of time.

Don’t get me wrong - I love Boston, and I love the relative ease with which you can travel along the East Coast. I will be looking for jobs in New York and D.C. after graduation, and my heart still very much belongs out here.

But starting my sophomore year, every time I returned home to visit, it became increasingly harder to leave. I’ve grown much closer with my family, no doubt because of the proper treatment I’ve finally sought out for my mental health. But I learned to start appreciating little niches of home - like Malibu canyon, the miles of canyon road that I spent hours exploring in high school, or East Los Angeles, where I worked this summer and got to experience a diverse melting pot of Angeleno culture that I hadn’t been exposed to before. I developed a new appreciation for the community in which I had grown up, one I had previously scorned for its wealth and privilege.

Returning home for breaks and vacations quickly turned into what felt like an illustrious love affair, with me falling a little bit more in love each time I visited. Boston enabled me to finally hang up my tough-chick-home-rebel act and find comfort and solace in my family and my home community.

Two weeks ago, an ex-marine opened fire at the Borderline Bar & Grill in Thousand Oaks, California, killing 11. Borderline is about 15 minutes away from my house. I grew up playing softball in Thousand Oaks for my entire life. My brother performed in several shows at the Thousand Oaks Civic Arts Center.

But before the implications of the shooting began to truly register, intense wildfires erupted across Northern and Southern California. Within hours, the fire was nearing my home and incinerating the neighborhoods of my friends and family. My parents lost power, and I was out of touch with them for four and a half hours. I didn’t know where they were or if they had evacuated.

Those ~48 hours are hazy. I crossed campus unaware of my surroundings and unable to be present in the moment. All I wanted was to be at home with my family and friends, even if my home was completely devastated. I longed for the company of someone from my community, anyone who could even remotely relate to what I was experiencing.

This past weekend, I visited my my brother in Baltimore to see him perform in the National Tour of Fiddler on the Roof, the show he first performed in as a kid that introduced him to theater and what would ultimately become his entire career. About a month and a half ago, we lost our Bubbie, who had been fighting a vicious battle against Alzheimer’s in the 3-4 years prior to her passing. We had grown up with her living right down the street, and she played an integral role in my childhood. She always fostered my brother’s love for theater and performing, and she supported us in every single endeavor. I felt her at the show with me.

Between the mass shooting, the fire, my grandmother’s passing, and my brother’s performance, I left Baltimore completely awash in intense emotion. I missed home more than I ever had before, and I was filled with an intense longing to return. I wanted to hold my parents tightly and take a walk through my neighborhood at twilight and drive along the coastline (which unfortunately will be incinerated when I return). For one of the first times since coming to college, I was truly, completely homesick.

How foolish I was to have scorned California. No one comes from a perfect home, nor a perfect childhood nor a perfect family, but I had found enough love at home to satisfy me for a lifetime. And it was only driving through Baltimore at twilight, the sky tinged with pink as night descended over the city, Ravens’ fans flooding the streets after a Sunday football victory, did I realize how immature I was to insist on leaving with such forcefulness. I might not live there anymore, and I might not be on a path that leads me back to Los Angeles, but I know I will always hold my home and my family very close to my heart. And for that, I am thankful.